Finding Peace by Allowing

March 16, 2017

The power of acceptance has been coming up for me recently.  Whether it’s a difference in opinion with someone else, the way someone else around me is behaving or hurtful words that have globed onto me, the answer that keeps coming up is… acceptance.  Accept them for where they are!

Then just this week, I read a beautiful post by Gabby Bernstein, about accepting people where they are and how to say, “I accept you and I honor you, but I can’t be a part of this.”  I really truly love love love this statement!  It’s so important and feels very empowering.

But, I still found myself having a hard time identifying with the word “accepting.”  I was thinking to myself, “Okay, that sounds amazing, so how do I do it?”  How do I get there?  How do I accept her behavior?  How do I accept his attack on me?  How do I accept that we are living with two totally different opinions and perceptions?

This is when the suggestion of allowance as an alternative to acceptance came in.  Thank you, Kerry Dontchos!

Funny enough, words have different energy on them, different feelings come up when you say them and interpret them, even when they are very similar in definition.

And this when the light switch turned on.  Instead of being accepting of others and their behavior, etc.  I’m going to focus on allowing them to be right where they are and let them behave as they will.  With acceptance, it feels as though I’m tolerating another in their choices and actions – that doesn’t resonate with me.  Allowance on the other hand is where I can find true neutrality.  Neutrality is always a lovely place to be.

The thoughts of all of this reminded me of this quote from “Codependent No More.” It can be deeply eye opening, hard to practice, but undeniably transforming in all of your relationships.

“Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help.  We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other people’s responsibilities and tend to our own instead.  If people have created disasters for themselves, we allow them to face their own proverbial music.  We allow people to be who they are.  We give them the freedom to be responsible and to grow.  And we give ourselves that same freedom.  We live our own lives to the best of our ability.”

Here’s what’s been working for me around the perception of allowance.  I hope it inspires you as well!  Whenever you find yourself irritated, lit up, or in rage, say this out loud.

“I allow you to be who you are, do what you do, and perceive how you perceive.  I see you with love and respect you in your space.”

Then say it again and again.  Notice if you’ve gone off kilter and get back to your space!

Just simply saying it over and over will get you back to a peaceful place.

In Health and Healing,

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